It's only a theory, which still needs perfecting, but hear me out. Heartburn is called heartburn because it's fire, but it's like that
greek fire stuff- it sits on the top of your stomach acid (a liquid). When you drink too much the level of the acid gets too high, and, straying beyond the asbestos-like lining of your stomach into your pansy-by-comparison throat, the lapping tongues of flame cause havoc. Or at least distinct annoyance.
Milk helps because it curdles when it gets to your stomach, especially in the presence of
alcohol. And what does fermented milk make? Cheese. And what, although maybe not one of its better-known properties, does cheese do in the presence of fire? Very little. It's pretty much flame retardant. Also, quite a lot of types of cheese float, the kind of cottage cheese-ish brand you get with this sort of experiment among them. The layer of molten cheese goo rises to the top and, like a wet teacloth on a chip pan, quenches the irksome blaze.
Some people have higher natural levels of burn than others, hence some people never seeming to be afflicted, while others are persecuted, and also the phrase "fire in the belly". Need time you see someone get really
passionate about something, ask them if they often get heartburn*. If ten in a row say yes, send me a decent coffee mug. I just broke my last one.
Obviously the theory needs work. Why are Rennies effective?
Something to do with CO2 I imagine, killing oxygen flow. What about food? Probably working as a heat sink. But still, it's something to think about if you're waiting for a bus.
Now excuse me while I go and get sunburn on the underside of my arm, to match the now peeling top side. It was leant out behind me for wobbly support last weekend and got a fucking roasting. There's a hilarious tidemark where my watch was. Oh the pain, the pain of it all...
*My own fire level is pitifully low. Means I don't get heartburn, but it also means I've done nothing for the last month. Off to fix that.
Left hand down, give it the beans
-j
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